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When Your Parent Dies
Here are some tips that may help you and the rest of the family recover from the death of your parents.
- Resist the
temptation to dismiss their death as "timely" or "inevitable". While
this is one way to rationalize the loss, it doesn't touch your
emotions. You have experienced a significant loss and you need to take
time to grieve. The majority of people whose parents die are employed
full time. A three-day bereavement leave isn't enough time to deal with
this loss. Be aware of the need to adjust your personal schedule to
take time to grieve.
- Work at keeping
the lines of communication open between you and your siblings. They
understand more than anyone what your loss entails. Remember each
member of the family has a personal loss and each will mourn the death
of your parent for different reasons and in different ways.
- Find one or two
close friends with whom you can talk. People often say, "My friends
don't want to hear about this!" All your friends won't, but ask one or
two for permission to use them as sounding boards. There are also
professionals you may call on: your doctor, your clergy, a counselor or
your funeral director.
- Do something to
memorialize your parent. This could be a donation to a favorite
charity. It could be a memorial in your family church. If possible you
may want to create a permanent memorial at his or her college or
university. Perhaps you would like to plant a tree in memory of your
parent.
- Draw on the
resources of your faith to sustain you. How does your faith or
spirituality address the issue of dying? How does it help you make
sense of life? Does it help you answer your questions?
- Although your
parent is physically dead, he or she will continue to live through you.
The values your parent gave you will affect you - - for better, or
worse - - for the rest of your life. Take what is good from them and
incorporate it more fully into your life and be thankful for the good
you received.